the hartsteins

Can I be brutally honest with you?

I want a baby in the WORST way.

Well, in a totally normal and would never do anything illegal way. Know what I mean..?

I just feel like we pray and pray and pray and try and try and try (Ok.. ok..) and NOTHING happens. Well, you know - besides our love deepening for each other and loving every minute of it! (You're not getting sick.. are you??) Do I need to explain the sinking and incredibly disappointing feeling every time my Aunt Scarlet (*wink, wink) comes to visit?? Ughhhh

And it's almost like I'm being MOCKED - because almost everyone I know is pregnant. My sister is pregnant, Abby's pregnant, Beth is pregnant, Traci's pregnant. Ashley just had a baby. Who's next, who's next?? I DARE you to tell me. [bring it] (uhhhh... j/k)

You know what is the most accurate depiction of what I'm feeling..? Ever see that great movie "Facing the Giants"? At the point where we first come in to the story, the Coach and his wife have been trying to have a baby for 4 years (Oh, Abba, please no). And the wife says something like, "it's as if I can hear them playing in the next room, or running up and down the halls. Anticipating them run into the bedroom during a thunderstorm. I think about teaching them songs and reading them stories. I never knew that you could miss someone so much and you've never met." {exactly} [Don't read the rest of this paragraph if you haven't seen the movie!] Later on, she goes in to get a pregnancy test from a clinic and they confirm that she is indeed not pregnant. Of coures, she is once again devastated and stops when she gets outside her truck. She looks up to the sky and says, "Lord, I will still love you" while she's sobbing. And later still .... is there anything too impossible for God..?

Truly - some days I feel like I need to watch this movie every day. So much of it comes up in my life lately. So much of it is so true.