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I don't blog as much as I used to. I don't journal (handwriting) as much either. As much as I treasure knowing what I was thinking at a certain point in life, I have come to realize that I dwell so much on tomorrow rather than today. See for yourself. If you go back through my blog entries, I'm sure you'll see lots of dreaming about having children and dreaming of plans for when Dan graduated, etc. I've gotten tired of living in tomorrow; I was missing so much of today! So I decided that I want to have a positive outlook. I am choosing to live for today. What you think about comes about, right? And if I can't be content with what I have today then I would be choosing to be a miserable person. And who wants that??

I sing while I shop. I almost wish someone sneakingly followed me around with a camera so I could see myself as others do. One of the best presents I've ever gotten is our iPod. I take it with me everywhere. I listen to sermons on it, worship music, positive Christian music, positive secular music (to a very small degree and only if it's edifying). But I do. I do sing while I shop. Typically for groceries. I have the iPod on and I sing :). I'm quite certain people hear me. I've never gotten any looks, with the exception of children. They kind of smile at me when I pass by :) Because they secretly wish they could sing, too :) And they can. They just need a little boldness :). When I caught myself singing the other day, I thought to myself, "self, quiet down. people can hear you". And then I reminded myself that I might be the only piece of humor in some of these people's day :) I do watch Ellen pretty regularly in the mornings ... she's inspired me to dance more. So today while I was singing in Dahl's supermarket, I danced :) Not crazily, but just as I was walking down the aisle of the store (kind of like how Ellen dances while she walks around the audience towards the beginning of her show, you know?)

I love it :)

Can I be brutally honest with you?

I want a baby in the WORST way.

Well, in a totally normal and would never do anything illegal way. Know what I mean..?

I just feel like we pray and pray and pray and try and try and try (Ok.. ok..) and NOTHING happens. Well, you know - besides our love deepening for each other and loving every minute of it! (You're not getting sick.. are you??) Do I need to explain the sinking and incredibly disappointing feeling every time my Aunt Scarlet (*wink, wink) comes to visit?? Ughhhh

And it's almost like I'm being MOCKED - because almost everyone I know is pregnant. My sister is pregnant, Abby's pregnant, Beth is pregnant, Traci's pregnant. Ashley just had a baby. Who's next, who's next?? I DARE you to tell me. [bring it] (uhhhh... j/k)

You know what is the most accurate depiction of what I'm feeling..? Ever see that great movie "Facing the Giants"? At the point where we first come in to the story, the Coach and his wife have been trying to have a baby for 4 years (Oh, Abba, please no). And the wife says something like, "it's as if I can hear them playing in the next room, or running up and down the halls. Anticipating them run into the bedroom during a thunderstorm. I think about teaching them songs and reading them stories. I never knew that you could miss someone so much and you've never met." {exactly} [Don't read the rest of this paragraph if you haven't seen the movie!] Later on, she goes in to get a pregnancy test from a clinic and they confirm that she is indeed not pregnant. Of coures, she is once again devastated and stops when she gets outside her truck. She looks up to the sky and says, "Lord, I will still love you" while she's sobbing. And later still .... is there anything too impossible for God..?

Truly - some days I feel like I need to watch this movie every day. So much of it comes up in my life lately. So much of it is so true.